Overview of the types of phrases covered:

Relationality across cultures

We recently came across this article by Lana Jelenjev which explores ways in which different cultures express human relationships, and their fundamental importance in how we live together.

Phrases that describe the need to put relationships first 

Deep Value 

“Deep Value is a term that captures the value created when the human relationships between people delivering and people using public services are effective. In these relationships, it is the practical transfer of knowledge that creates the conditions for progress, but it is the deeper qualities of the human bond that nourish confidence, inspire self esteem, unlock potential, erode inequality and so have the power to transform.” [Community Links]

Warm web 

The warm web is the composite of all the unique, real, meaningful relationships that enable individuals to thrive and that, in aggregate, enable communities to succeed and societies to flourish. [Relationships Project] 

Frilly fallacy 

The idea that relationships are an adornment to an organisation or service rather than the way in which the outcomes are delivered and he central operating principle. [Rich Bell]

Heads, hearts and hands 

In a recent conversation, we were reminded of the importance of going beyond language when making the case for relationships. We need to appeal to the head with intellectual reasoning, but we also need to appeal to the heart, tapping into the emotional experiences we all have when it comes to relationships, and demonstrating, through action (hands), the power and potential of relationship-centred practice 

Phrases we often use at the Relationships Project to describe the need to work relationally: 

“Everything works better when relationships work well. Whilst this is common sense, it’s not common practice” 

“If you want to change the world, start with relationships” 

“Relationships are the work” 

“People need people” 

“This is about human beings being human” 

“Being well connected is not the same as connecting well (and connecting well – putting relationships first – is how we live our best lives and how together we can build a better society)”

“Relationships are the glitter and the glue: It is through our relationships that we learn, develop, support one another, work together and live in peace. But good lives aren’t just about getting stuff done, they are also about joy and love and having fun. The glue and the glitter”

Phrases that describe the cost of not putting relationships first 

Relational poverty

“Relational poverty refers to being poor in community. It’s lacking a support system. Anyone can experience relational poverty, especially as our world focuses more on digital communication and less on personal communication.” [Atlanta Mission]

Relational invisibility

“Relational invisibility is the frustration of knowing that investing in relationships will ultimately be vastly more impactful and having that knowledge ignored.” [David Jay]

Moral injury

The stress resulting from feeling unable to provide the care or support that others need and deserve. This is a particular risk where the practitioner is heavily invested in the relationship.

Social isolation

“Social isolation refers to the objective absence or lack of social contacts and interactions, and is sometimes understood as the opposite of social connection. Social isolation is often, but not always, associated with feelings of loneliness depending on the unique social needs and perceptions of each individual.”  [UCL Policy Lab and The University of Sydney Matilda Centre]

Loneliness

“Loneliness is the aversive, subjective feeling of social disconnection, arising from a dissatisfaction with the state of one’s relationships and connections. A person may feel lonely despite being in frequent contact with others, particularly if they perceive their relationships as lacking in depth and meaning. It is useful to distinguish between two types of loneliness commonly identified in the literature: emotional loneliness and social loneliness. While emotional loneliness originates from the loss or perceived lack of emotionally intimate relationships and close bonds, social loneliness occurs due to a perceived deficit in social connections more broadly and in the absence of an engaging social network or group of contacts”.  [UCL Policy Lab and The University of Sydney Matilda Centre]

Part system efficiency versus whole system effectiveness

Too often, we have built our systems around part system efficiency, rather than whole system effectiveness. Everyone cuts and squeezes where they can, making their piece of the process seem more efficient, but the net effect is to increase demand on the system as a whole. Instead, we need to invest now to save later. In healthcare, this might be in the form of an extended conversation with one healthcare provider, rather than dozens of shorter conversations with different providers, in which the patient is required to repeat the same things again and again. (Sarah Yardley)

Phrases that describe the work of putting relationships first 

Relationship-centred practice (RCP)

“Relationship-centred practice puts relationships first. It unlocks potential and meets need by positioning meaningful and effective relationships as the first order goal, both an end in itself and the means by which other goals will be achieved (like better health, stronger communities, greater job satisfaction)

We think relationship-centred practice is characterised by empathetic behaviours such as positive listening, active collaboration, a commitment to continuity, kindness and mutual trust. There is a shared sense of purpose and also of agency – “we can do this together”, capacity for challenge, for holding tensions alongside compassion and forgiveness, a focus on assets rather than deficits and sufficient versatility to adapt the practice to the individual rather than fit the individual to the programme. It is informed by experience, but not scripted. The most effective relational practice is not enforced from without. It is compelled from within, willing and dynamic.” [Relationships Project]

Relational agency

Relational agency refers to our “capacity to grow and change the relationship around us to meet our needs.” [David Jay]

Connective labour

Connective labour is a type of work that relies on empathy, human contact, and mutual recognition of humanity. It’s a form of emotional acknowledgment that can be found in many professions, including teaching, coaching, therapy, and caregiving. [Allison J. Pugh]

Relational activism

Relational activism is the application of the behaviours and values that underpin relationship-centred practice to the act of campaigning for social or political change.

“Relational activism makes change happen through personal and informal relationships. It’s open to anyone who wants to achieve social change but may not choose to participate in the demonstrations and campaigns of more “traditional” forms of activism. A relational activist is someone working with empathy, compassion, the ability to connect and form networks, with an understanding that sustained change happens through relationships, and someone who resolutely rejects the notion that those qualities are incompatible with leadership” [Relational Activism] 

Relational capacity

“Relational capacity is about the quality of human relationships fostered by our public institutions. It speaks to the capacity of those institutions to do things with people, or to enable people to do things with other people, and is distinct from the state’s technocratic capacity to do things to people or for people.” [James Plunkett]

Relational readiness

Relational readiness refers to the ‘readiness’ of an organisation or a place to work in ways that are relationship-centred. Is there support for this way of working across the organisation, including from funders/commissioners? Are there support structures in place where relational working might bring emotional challenges / burden? [Relationships Project and Kate Weiler]

Relational offsetting

A strategic decision to take out a relationship from one part of a service and redeploy the resources to double down on relationships in another. For instance the doctor who uses online consultation for patients with a straightforward medical condition and reallocates the in person time to the family of a chronically sick child who really needs a clinician who knows them well. With the development of AI, the considered and sophisticated application of  relational offset becomes ever more important. [Relationships Project] 

Institutionally relational

Organisations and societies which are, by default, systematically relational in their intentions and in their behaviours and in every aspect of their work. [Relationships Project]

Refounding

The process of fundamentally reviewing and rebuilding long established institutions around the essential core principles. We would argue here that relationships should be at the heart of that process. [Relationships Project]

Rolling in

Rolling in is a process whereby professionals proactively try a new practice, and adapt it for their context, rather than having it imposed on them from above. This form of careful horizontal transfer and collaborative learning recognises that context really matters, and there can be no blueprint for relationship-centred practice. [Saskie Dorman]

Relationship washing

Much like ‘greenwashing’, relationship washing involves an organisation making unsubstantiated claims about valuing and prioritising relationships. The organisation might purport to be relationship-centred but their actions and behaviours are contrary to it. [Relationships Project]

Social pedagogy

‘Social pedagogy is not a method or approach, it is an ethical, theoretical and practice orientation that places relationships at the center of everything we do.  It embeds reflexivity and learning which helps shapes the way we understand and respond to the world around us (Eichsteller and Holthoff, 2011, Charfe and Gardner, 2020).  Hämäläinen’s  (1989) writes that social pedagogy is a meta-theory and that within it, it also contains social pedagogical theories, concepts and methods that people who are not social pedagogues can utilise even if they don’t fully understand social pedagogy.’ [Lowis Charfe]   

The Three Ps Framework

‘Social pedagogues would argue that we can’t be professional without being personal, so we have to be both. What we must avoid is not the personal but the private self. Especially in Denmark this distinction is referred to as the 3 Ps: the professional, the personal and the private self of the social pedagogue.’ [Thempra]

Phrases we often use at the Relationships Project to describe the work of putting relationships first:

“Relationship-centred practice is a general theory of everything” 

“Relationships are the first mile, not the extra mile”

“For relationship-centred practice to become widely and deeply embedded, we need to shift the soul of the system. Too often, relationship-centred practice is a one place, one term wonder, reliant on the grit and determination of a few mavericks operating at the edges of our systems”

Phrases that describe different types of relationships

Social connection

“Social connection is a multidimensional concept that encompasses the presence of meaningful and positive interactions and relationships between individuals within a community or society. It involves the emotional, psychological, and social bonds formed with others, as well as a sense of belonging experienced within one’s social environment. Social connection is manifested and supported by various forms of social interaction, communication, emotional and practical support, shared experience, as well as inclusion and acceptance within larger social networks and communities.”  [UCL Policy Lab and The University of Sydney Matilda Centre]

Belonging

“Belonging refers to the subjective sense of ‘fitting in’, or of feeling included, accepted and valued as a meaningful part of a social group or community. The need to belong, or the drive for social inclusion and positive regard from others, has long been recognised as a fundamental human motivation. The unmet need for belonging is strongly associated with feelings of loneliness.”  [UCL Policy Lab and The University of Sydney Matilda Centre]

Social support

“Social support refers to the actual provision or perceived availability of emotional, instrumental or informational resources and assistance by those in a social network. The reciprocal exchange of support is a key function of social connection and is vital to the development and maintenance of meaningful relationships”.  [UCL Policy Lab and The University of Sydney Matilda Centre]

Social capital

“Social capital refers to the quantity and quality of resources available within social relationships and networks to meet one’s goals. Social resources may be tangible (e.g. physical services, material goods, money) or intangible (e.g. emotional support, guidance, advice), and include various types of social support.”  [UCL Policy Lab and The University of Sydney Matilda Centre]

Circles of support

We often think about our personal relationships as a series of relationship rings or circles of support, with our most intimate relationships at the centre broadening out to less familiar – but still important – relationships with friends, neighbours and colleagues (the participation circle), teachers, shopkeepers, hairdressers etc (the circle of exchange), and those we pass on the street or in the park or bump into at the laundrette etc (the circle of encounter). Having relationships across all of these rings helps us to navigate life and make our way through the various challenges that we meet along the way. Strong relationships across all of these circles constitutes a ‘warm web’. 

Bonding / bridging / linking social capital

Bonding, bridging and linking social capital refers to the different types of relationships we might see within – and across communities. 

• Within any community or place, there are groups that are bound together by shared interests and a shared sense of identity. We call this bonding capital. Examples might include members of a local sports team or volunteering group, or members of a religious group. 
• Where good relationships exist between two groups who have different identities or interests to one another, we call this bridging capital. Typically, bridging capital can be more difficult to establish and maintain than bonding capital. An example of bridging capital would be two different faith groups working together towards a shared goal.
• The third type of relationship described in this diagram is that of linking capital. Linking capital refers to the relationship between local groups and authority figures, like the local authority. An example of this would be the relationship between a mutual aid group and the local authority. This type of capital is important because it enables flows of information and resources between grassroots groups and formal institutions.  

I-It versis I-Thou

I-It verus I-Thou is a concept discussed by Martin Buber in the book I and Thou which describes two distinct ways of relating.

‘In the I-Thou encounter, we relate to each other as authentic beings, without judgment, qualification, or objectification. I meet you as you are, and you meet me as who I am. The I-It encounter is the opposite in that we relate to another as object, completely outside of ourselves.’ [Makenna Berry]

Phrases that describe spaces and places for relationship building 

Third spaces 

“Third spaces are places and spaces where individuals spend time outside of their home (first space) and workplace (second space),  including ‘bumping spaces’ (facilitating unintentional social encounters) and ‘gathering spaces’(for intentional spaces to meet). They enable people to meet new members of their community, exchange ideas and build relationships and are therefore important to the social infrastructure of a place.  Examples of third spaces include churches, parks, community hubs, gyms and cafés.” [UCL Policy Lab and The University of Sydney Matilda Centre]

Relational containers 

“Relational containers are environments that are co-created with the goal of facilitating connection. A Facetime call with grandparents is a relational container; so is a wedding, and so is a conflict being mediated through nonviolent communication. When we feel relational agency, it is often because the relational containers around us feel abundant and  easy to access, though navigating them is an acquired skill […] If we as individuals are feeling increasingly lonely, it is because the relational containers around us seem to be getting worse, not better.” [David Jay]

Relational infrastructure 

“Relational infrastructure refers to the social connections, interactions, and collective intelligence that underpin a community, network or group’s ability to collaborate, solve problems, and drive change. It is an emergent framework of trust, shared values, and common goals that allows individuals, groups, and organizations to work together effectively, pool their resources, and amplify their impact. A strong relational infrastructure can enable organisations and communities to overcome challenges, build resilience, and create sustainable social, economic, and environmental value and outcomes.” [Sam Rye]

Social infrastructure 

“Social infrastructure covers a range of services and facilities that meet local and strategic needs and contribute towards a good quality of life. It includes health provision, education, community, play, youth, recreation, sports, faith, and emergency facilities. Green infrastructure in all its forms is also a key component of social infrastructure […] Social infrastructure plays an important role in developing strong and inclusive communities. It can provide opportunities to bring different groups of people together, contributing to social integration and the desirability of a place.” [GLA]

Bumping places

There are a few different variations in how ‘bumping places’ are conceived and understood. Our understanding is that bumping spaces are places where people come into contact with others but the social connection is incidental, not intentional. We don’t meet deliberately but we do bump into one another. For example the shared dustbins at the bottom of the tower block, the ally that is a short cut to the school, the bus stop or station platform, the school gates, the doctors waiting room, the laundrette etc . Some of these places are experienced as hostile – the dark ally, the dustbins round the back etc but all have potential to enable positive interaction with the right design and perhaps with light touch facilitation. This is distinct from community centres, for example, where the social connection is the explicit purpose of the facility.

Social acupuncture

This is another term for which there are a few different definitions. At the Relationships Project the term ‘social acupuncture’ is used to describe strategic support for local initiatives which both build platforms for neighbourhood connection and catalyse wider change, for instance a campaign to clean up or enhance the environment or establish a play street.

Covid-specific terminology

Undercurrents

During the early Covid lockdowns there were some surface level activities we may have wished to continue in the future, but there was much more below the surface that had the potential to ensure that we ‘build back better’. We described these shifting behaviours and attitudes which had the potential to prefigure more profound change ‘undercurrents’. [Relationships Project]  

Deep tissue damage

Deep tissue damage refers to the social impact of Covid which has lasted beyond the pandemic. At an individual level, for example, the impact on child and adolescent mental health, and at a societal level, the effect on the NHS or local social services. [Relationships Project]

Re-neighbouring

The process of connecting with neighbours in areas where connections have previously been weak or non-existent. This was particularly evident in the periods of lockdown during the pandemic. [Relationships Project] 

Relationality across cultures

We recently came across this article by Lana Jelenjev which explores ways in which different cultures express human relationships, and their fundamental importance in how we live together. It’s well worth a read. 

What phrases do you find useful? 

What phrases do you draw on when you’re making the case for relationships? Are there any terms included here that you use differently? What else do you wish we had the words to talk about more coherently? We’d love to read your thoughts in the comments section below. 

Further reading