In brief

We were recently joined by Professor Allison Pugh, author of The Last Human Job: The Work of Connecting in a Disconnected World, at our book club. We heard about the importance of connective labour (the work of seeing, and being seen, by another), and revisited a question that came up at the beginning of last year in our conversation around relational offsetting: What is unique to the human relationship? What of it can’t be replicated by technology?

In this blog, we revisit the varied, insightful and often moving insights of the Relationships Project community. 

‘A conversation with a good bit of AI can have better outcomes than a conversation with an overstretched and distracted social worker.’

I heard someone make this point and it filled me with unease. But what was the source of my discomfort? Was I being small-minded? A technophobe? If an interaction with AI can truly lead to better outcomes, what is the issue? 

I suppose I’ve experienced the transformative magic of a human to human relationship: not just being seen by another human being, but witnessing the difference in someone when you can tell they feel seen too.

Then one of the Relationships Project team sent over some research that suggests AI-generated empathy can have real psychological benefits and AI companions can alleviate loneliness to a similar degree to human companions. That got us thinking, as a team:

What is it about human-to-human relationships that can’t be replicated by technology? What is unique to human relationships? 

We had some ideas, but we wanted to understand what others were thinking, so we put the question out into the world. We had many brilliant and varied responses. And that was a point in its own right. Each relationship is unique. The things that matter most to me won’t necessarily matter most to you.

Below are some of these responses.

• We highly recommend Allison Pugh’s book, The Last Human Job: The Work of Connecting in a Disconnected World (2024). In it, Allison examines the deeply human labour at the heart of our most meaningful interactions — from caregiving to teaching to therapy — and challenges us to consider what is truly at stake as automation and AI continue to transform the workplace If you want to dip into the ideas before getting your hands on the book, this article from Allison on which jobs should be done by AI is fascinating.
• Social (2013) by Matthew D Lieberman draws on research in the field of social cognitive neuroscience to show that our need to connect socially with other humans is as basic as our need for food, water and shelter. 
  
• This essay from Rebecca Solnit on what technology steals from us and why we should use this as motivation to reinvent the ways and places in which we meet, is great. 

Other recommended reading: 

AI and how it could strengthen human relationships 

• Kim Samuel on using AI to augment human relationships, rather than replace them 
• Coleman Young on AI saving time and strengthening human connection in medical settings
• AI saving time and strengthening human connection in social care settings 
• The potential of AI saving time and strengthening human connection in school settings 
• The Centre for Creative Conversation on how well-trained chatbots could help us become more human.

Why we should be worried about relationships with AI 

• Studies show those who engage emotionally with bots tend to be more lonely 
• The dangers of outsourcing relational labour to AI
• Alex Evans on the dark side of AI’s emotional mirroring, and a reminder that relationships with AI bots are “relationships with algorithms that are owned and operated by for-profit tech companies” 
• David Jay on the mirage of AI companionship and why human cognition is as necessary as ever 
• AI dependence creating a new mental health crisis 
• The danger of AI presenting like it is human and why we must de-anthromorphise it.

This is a fast-developing topic, with new research and perspectives coming to the surface all the time. We’d love to hear your take. Add them to the comments or send a message to hello@relationshipsproject.com.

You can find more resources on this topic, and other aspects of relational practice, in our Resource Repository.